Warning: this is a rant.
If you live in Toronto, the T-dot, Drake’s SIX, The 416 – whatever the kids call it these days, you know the struggle that is finding a decent downtown apartment (flat if you’re cute and English). Despite the never ending condo development, finding something reasonable just seems impossible. Everyone seems to want to charge you both your arms and legs and maybe some other body parts for an apartment made for ants.
“Oh a three quarters of a bedroom for $1200, but check out the sweeping view of the Trump tower!”
I work in the Financial District and basically have my lifestyle set around that area. So naturally because I’m a sensible human being who hates the TTC – I prefer to arrange my living situation nearby. Why is it that the farther south you go, the less square feet they offer and the higher they think it’s ok to charge renters?
“I’m sorry that I have qualms with eating Kraft Dinners every day, in order to pay my rent.”
And what in the name of Beyonce is up with this renter language? I have so much respect for the grammatical creativity of these ads I’ve seen on renters website.
I’ve learned to key in the usual “sellers” often used and what they really mean in human talk. For example:
Cozy: Live like Buddy the Elf in the elf community
Minutes from downtown: Yes, 30 minutes
“Close” to downtown: I understand that some people think Runnymeade Station is “close” to downtown. Those people need to stop.
Lots of Character: Lots of bedbugs
A Walkers Paradise: From the Walking Dead
Charming: You’re using that word too much and I don’t think you know what it means
*NewMarket you need to stop trying to include yourself in Toronto listings. You give me so much hope only to cruelly shatter it.*
And don’t even get me started on searching for a roommate. Yes, I know no one is perfect and trust me I’m not. I think I’m more scared that they’ll judge me. Let’s just get this straight right now. Midnights snacks are totally a normal thing and I will never ever not sing along to Blank Spaces by Taylor Swift, and when I’m bored I like to try on my clothes.
In conclusion, I hate apartment hunting more than breakups and push ups. But living in Toronto is so great that I guess I’ll woman up and deal with it. Although on a positive note, I think I’ll write more about my apartment/roommate hunt adventures. So make sure to keep reading while you’re chilling in your super nice condo near the downtown core with the all the chic amenities and a good looking concierge man – who knows you by name.
Rent controlled apartments only exist in TV shows!!!
*Rant to be continued*