I don’t want you to think that I have changed from a twinkle eyed girl into a cold skeptic. But I do need you to understand that sometimes love isn’t enough.
Everyday we are presented with a lot of choices – small ones and big ones. The choices we make shape who we are. And as a person, I’d like to think that I have a somewhat solid perception of who I am. My name is Shiela, I like Indie music and occasionally r&B and hip hop, I like parties and brunches, I love laughing and listening to stories, 85% of the time – I would choose to buy flowers over food, I drink tall blondes in the winter time, but need iced coffees in the summer, I relish my independence – but at the same time I melt when love is present.
My choices reflect who I am as a person. So I thought that it’s imperative that I should know what I want. That I should know which choices to make. I think I got most things figured out except for that one problematic thing called LOVE.
I lose my footing, and I get nervous, and I make compromises on things that I otherwise would have stood strong for. I never really understood why humans go to such great lengths trying to find it and risk losing it all trying to keep it. Why do they want that? Why do I want that?
I’ve watched countless movies and read novels that told me LOVE is compromise. Usually some kid gets offered a great opportunity but “gladly” gives it up in the name of love. And we admire that kid. We think it’s romantic. We dream of finding someone who will love us that much or finding someone to love that much. But…why?
Love shouldn’t be the biggest compromise of our lives. Maybe we can’t have it all, but we should at least have what matters. I keep hearing that love is hard work. You have to make it work because it doesn’t just happen. And I get that, but how can you do that without stepping on someone’s choices. Is it really a good thing to be in a relationship where you are urged to water down yourself?
I guess there are things that are worth compromising for but if one of you wants to speed up but the other one is comfortable with their pace – someone has to change to meet the other person. And that’s fine but is that the life you truly want? If there is a mismatch of values, would you compromise yours to match the other person’s? Would it be worth it?
I don’t have the answers to those questions but what I recently realized is that the person right for you would desire the same path. I think by definition – that’s what makes them right for you. The right person is driven by the same forces that drives you forward. Their eyes light up when yours do.
Settling doesn’t have to be a bad thing. But often times we settle for love. Because apparently love conquers all – but no it doesn’t! Love isn’t enough. We should be enough in ourselves. What would remain of our selves if we keep whittling it down with compromises?
I encourage you to throw yourself in the heart of uncertainty and focus wholeheartedly in what you love. I urge you to avoid compromising your core values. Find someone who lives the same life that invigorates you! Be in a relationship that encourages growth of both parties. Love someone who loves you and appreciate all that you are, but at the same time believes in your potential. See eye to eye, not just when your staring at each other.
Build who you truly are because love – love isn’t always enough.