You met him at a party or saw his adorable pics on instagram and thought “SWOOOON,” but if you go flirt with one more boy just to find out he has the same taste in men as you… well you might quit your job to sit at home and eat Ben & Jerry’s all day.
Living in Toronto us gay boys are everywhere and thanks to our straight counterparts finally taking some interest in how they look, telling a straight guy from a gay guy can be hard at times… unless he’s already taken.
My first question for #askStephenThomas came in from a fellow blogger who asked to remain nameless… let’s just say she’s blonde, cute and perky, (can you guess?) She, as do I, gets to attend lots of fun events and rub shoulders with some of Toronto’s most interesting people, but when she finds a guy at these events she’s interested in, he is inevitably gay. (I get the opposite problem… they are always straight somehow, go figure!)
So I enlisted the help of some of Toronto’s female influencers asking them what would they do if they were interested in a guy, but could not tell if he was gay or straight? Take a look below to read their words of wisdom and in one or two cases, have a good laugh.
Deanne Wilder – “I would flirt and see his reaction. Maybe ask mutual friends if they know. And you kind of get the idea if he reciprocates that same feeling back.”
Often the life of the party, Wilder’s approach is simple and easy to execute. She is strong and confident and knows how to laugh it off if he turns out to be gay.
Melina Morry – “Omg this has actually happened to me so many times where I’ve started putting the moves on a guy and then he’s like “not to make this awkward but you know I’m gay right?” BEYOND AWKWARD. I would probably feel it out from his friends he hangs out with and do a little creeping to see if I can find any ex girlfriends in the picture hahah. Definitely don’t assume!”
Ex-girlfriends are a dead giveaway if he is straight so don’t be afraid to search out his insta handle and scroll away. Just be careful not to like a million pics in a row and set an alarm off. If he is straight, hounding him with likes will just look desperate. If you can’t find any ex-girlfriends on instagram, his friends are the next thing to search for I agree. If they are all straight “bros” you have a good chance, but if they are all in mesh tank tops on platforms pulsating to techno music, well first off, you’ve gone back in time to 2001 and secondly he’s likely gay.
Jessica Thompson – “My advice would be to approach it from a friends-first angle. Spend time together and get to establish a friendship. Great relationships stem from great friendships. And if she doesn’t know him well enough to know his sexual identity, getting to know him better first as friends would be my suggestion. If he’s gay, then there’s the potential for a great friendship. And if he’s not, then she’s laying the groundwork for an amazing romantic relationship.”
Thompson’s advice is likely the same your mom would give you about just about any guy and it’s solid. I would totally recommend it… unless you want to know the answer on the spot and isn’t today all about instant gratification?
Anonymous (due to sheer embarrassment she told me) – “I’ve kind of been in this situation, but with a guy friend. I was pretty sure he was gay, then we made out and I was like nope he’s def not! Then he came out. haha! I was his last lady! So turns out my strategy is not so effective.”
Sorry ladies, us gay boys often are not sure in the beginning and might experiment against our better judgement. Please don’t be offended. You helped us out a great deal. (Note, I never experimented. I knew what I liked from day one!)
Meg Marshall – “Show photos of him to my gay friends and get their input. A gay man’s gaydar is much stronger than mine!”
Our gaydar is better than yours and guess what, Toronto is not that big… we probably “know him.”
At the end of the day, the women above all had similar answers often pointing to getting to know him in real life and/or on instagram. What did we ever do before social media? While these tips are all very helpful, my favourite answer comes from Catherine Sugrue – “Listen, if you’re a hottie, gay or straight they’ll love you anyways so go for it hahahah!” She’s right ladies! Go be your hot selves and don’t let anything stop you. That said, if he’s batting for the other team, feel free to give him my number 😉
Need advice on something? Shoot me an email at StephenThomas@smallgirlmediumcity.com and I’ll find an answer, it might even be the right answer.