He was fun for the first while, but now your stud is a dud! You gotta drop this guy stat like last season’s fly by night fashion trend because the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, (and the six pack over there is better too!)
In this #ASKSTEPHENTHOMAS I was challenged to figure out if there is a polite and right way to dump him. I have to admit I have been dumped many a time, and have dumped a lot of guys myself… so you’d think I am a pro at it right? (Or maybe you’re just thinking WOW STM must get around…) Well regardless, I am not new to the process.
I put the question of “Is there a right and polite way to dump him?” out to some of Toronto’s most awesome and in many cases eligible, to get their opinions and here is what they had to share…
“Be honest whether he’s a long term or you’re just casual dating. If you’re just not that into him and it’s been a couple weeks, send a text and ghost. If he’s your BF and you’ve grown apart, take some time away and try and stay friends.”
Totally agree with Casie on being open and honest! As for the advice on if it was not that serious going the route of sending a text, I do that all the time… I just forget to press send. BAD STM BAD!
“I’d say face to face is as polite as it gets.”
That’s super polite Miriam. You’re such a lady. I am clearly not as I once broke up with a guy by… oh wait I can’t say that publicly… moving onto Andrew Coimbra’s answer now…
“The right way really depends on context. Have you just been dating each other for a shortwhile? Is it still within the first 3-4 months? If so, just be frank. Just look at him and say “I just want to be open with you, and let you know that I’m really not feeling like this is something for me.” you know? Back it up with reasons if you need to; examples of why you don’t click, but don’t berate the guy.
For me, it’s always boiled down to simply not feeling a connection. That sounds flaky, but it is what it is.
For relationships with more of a time/emotional investment that you’re thinking of breaking off, I think it’s important to communicate the reasons why you are breaking off; even if they can be harsh. Don’t attack the person, just make sure that they understand where you are coming from, and that you are just giving your honest feedback so that you each can grow individually. :)”
(Blank stare at Andrew from STM.) Longer than 3-4 months? I mean, don’t you get bored? Ok, onto Madelyn…
“Be honest and upfront. Don’t beat around the bush and just get straight to the point instead of trying to sugarcoat it too much. It may feel a bit harsh, but in the long run it’s the best way to break things off.”
Madelyn, thank you! Yes, PLEASE don’t waste our time. I once had a guy take two weeks to break up with me. I just don’t think he realized how many men I could have dated in those two precious weeks! Adam if you are reading this, please don’t do that to another boy. Wait was it Adam or Anthony…. Alex? Oh, whatever.
So what is the official STM approach to dumping him the right and polite way? I do believe in being straight up. Tell him the truth. You got a job in Yemen and have to move immediately and will not have access to the internet. (What no FRIENDS fans here?) Ok but really… Be honest.
You had a fun time, learned a lot about yourself and what you want relationship wise but the two of you staying together would just be holding all parties back. Thank him, wish him the best and move on. I know, I know, you’re probably thinking, “but can’t we try and be friends?” For most people, NO you need to just get the heck out of there and try not to have contact for at least a few weeks… unless the boom boom boom was amazing, then try for “one last time” 😉 (Oh and if it was not amazing.. WTF were you doing with him girl? START SWIPING!
Need advice on work, boys, fashion or your mother? Shoot me an email at StephenThomas@smallgirlmediumcity.com and I’ll find an answer, it might even be the right one!