“Break ups are FUN!” said no one ever. I have been through enough break ups to write a book, but it’s what comes after the break up that is hard. Sure, you miss him… or maybe you are glad he’s gone. Hey against our better judgement, we date dicks sometimes. You made room for him in your life. You opened up. You shared. Then it came to a crashing halt and all you are left with is the emptiness, (and a pair of his boxers and his toothbrush still in the medicine cabinet. P.S., boxers? I could have told you it was not going to work out!)
In this #AskStephenThomas I went out to some local ladies and asked them for advice on what to do after a breakup. (Yes, there is more to do than open a bottle of wine, although if you need someone to share a glass with, CALL ME!) So, what did they have to say? Find out below. and decide if you are an Anjili, a Joanne or a Jessica.
“Having been with my husband Parambir for eleven (!) years this July, it has been so long since I broke up with someone that I cannot actually remember how I reacted the last time this happened. It’s natural to feel crummy after a breakup, so my advice is two-fold: cry it out, then fake it till you make it.”
“For me, one time I had this “break up” where it was a situation where I liked the guy more than he liked me. I couldn’t let the situation go on anymore so I backed away from it and I started to work out and run intensively to occupy myself and convert all the negative energy that I had into doing positive things. By doing that I met some amazing new friends (c/o to the Parkdale Roadrunners) and I ran my first 15k race at a reasonable time. I felt really accomplished after that.”
“When I had an 8 year relationship end, the most important thing that helped me was allowing myself to feel whatever I was feeling. People put so much emphasis on keeping busy; basically distracting yourself – which is all well and good, but in the end it can just delay the healing process.
If I felt depressed and like I needed a day in bed, that’s what I did. If I felt amazing and good enough to go out with friends, I did that. If I was confused and had no idea what had happened to my life – I let myself just chill and think. Feelings get a bad wrap, but they are important.”
So there you have it. Three different answers, each valid in their own way, but personally I think they all go together. It’s true, sometimes you do just have to fake it until you make it and part of that can be going out and getting busy with a new hobby, which can turn out to be an opportunity to work on yourself and grow. At the end of the day you have to remember though that part of healing is going through the emotions and doing what you need to do. Everyone is different. Do what’s right for you and remember, each relationship is an opportunity to learn and help you get ready for the big one. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself and don’t lose hope in finding your man. If you have not found him yet, that just means you are not ready to find him AND THAT’S OK. Enjoy some “me time.”