After a little over 2 years of being in a pseudo-healthy relationship, I am back to being single. I decided to put myself back out there after a few weeks of “Should I or Shouldn’t I” chats with my friends. I took a deep breath and jumped in to modern dating.
I’m not sure if you have heard of the term “Ghosting”. Let me shed some light – Ghosting is when you decide that you are no longer interested in whoever you’re currently seeing. This of course is completely acceptable – we’re young, we’re wild, we’re fickle. But ghosting happens when you conveniently forget to tell the person you’ve been seeing about this revelation.
In the past few days, I went through the 10 stages of Ghosting and a tub of Haagen Dazs but I think I’m better now. I’ve kept track of each stage below for everyone’s reference.
Your friend suggests he’s probably ghosting you and you almost choked on your mimosa because that is completely preposterous! What do you mean he may be ghosting me?!
No seriously, what does that mean? *Googles definition of Ghosting.*
That is outrageous – there is no way he’s ghosting. He’s been nothing but polite. I think he’s better than that. He has to be better than that…right?
Even more confusion
A few days later, I’m still confused. Why is this happening? Why can’t he just tell me if things fizzled out or he changed his mind? I know it’s not a cake walk being honest about how you feel but isn’t that infinitely better than potentially putting yourself and another person in an uncomfortable situation by just disappearing completely? I mean, aren’t we adults now?
Does this mean I can’t go to that new cafe we both like anymore? Oh god.
Even more Denial
Did he die, maybe? Or maybe abruptly left the country? Maybe he lost his phone and doesn’t remember my number and has lost all ability to Google me and/or message me on literally all social media platform everyone in this world uses?
“I kept calling my Uber way too early after our dates, could that be it? Was it because literally all 4 of our dates each lasted over 5 hours each – was I too accessible? Or maybe he thought my life was too outrageous – being a blogger makes it look like I’m out partying and brunching 24/7. Or was it because I didn’t invite him over after 4 dates?”
All of these thoughts and more went through my head – I had to stop. It was going to drive me insane.
After I got over the guilt and finally accepted that whatever his reasoning was – I still thought he was better than just disappearing and not affording me any type of explanation or goodbye. I thought that the person he appeared to be would have at least the slightest courtesy of texting #bye.
But he didn’t. And so I had a few glasses of a nice bourbon, let out a very loud “Ugh!”, decided that dating is exhausting, and boys are daft.
Lack of appetite (sort of)
I hate how our emotions can affect our appetite. I literally only had wine, coffee, and ice cream over the past few days. I feel skinny though.
*Listens to Lemonade one more time
The truth is he probably wasn’t that into me and he handled it very poorly. It happens and will probably happen a few times more. I can’t/shouldn’t read too much into it because life is beautiful and love is wonderful.
Re-adjustment to new realities
I remember writing about my first date with my most recent ex. (Read it here) There was so much hopefulness in it – almost too much. But that’s who I am – I love LOVE! I’m hopeful about what life has in store.
Experiences like this one is sucky and can make you doubt yourself and wonder what in god’s name are we all doing this for? But we keep on doing it, we keep walking into the unknown because we believe that something amazing could be just right around the corner. I think that’s incredible and brave – and exactly what I’m going to keep doing. Ghosts be damned!